I was born during a blizzard. The winds were howling so violently that my mother nearly fell on her swollen baby belly on the way to the car. The skies were grey. The snow swirled and swirled like a maelstrom, whiting out the roads, the sky, and yet the way to the hospital was clear as my father drove ever so slowly to avoid black ice.
I was born during a blizzard, but my delivery room was warm, bright, and smelled of oranges and magnolia. I emerged from the womb and sucked in my first lungful of air and it felt so different than anything else that I wailed. The nurses handed me to my mother and I looked up at her with her big eyes and she looked down at me with my big eyes and we loved each other. My father cupped my head in his right hand and stroked her hair with his left hand and we were connected and I never wanted it to end.
I was born during a blizzard and my mother was afraid. She had never cared for a baby before and worried that she’d break me. The nurse told her that I’m tougher than I look and I liked that nurse.
The second day, my grandparents trekked dangerously through the snow and sleet and ice to see me and we loved each other. My Nana smelled like sauce and kissed me gingerly. My Grandpa smelled like cigars and I held his finger tightly as he held me. My Gram sounded like a bluebird and rocked me gently. My Pops sounded raspy and soothing and he held me tightly against his shoulder and it felt like he’d never let go. I didn’t mind.
The second day, my mother expressed her worries to my Nana about raising me. She asked, “Mom, what if I can’t breastfeed?” and Nana answered, “Meggy, it will be all right.” She asked, “Mom, what if she’s colicky?” and Nana answered, “Meggy, it will be all right.” She asked, “Mom, what if I do it wrong?” and Nana answered, “Meggy, it will be all right.”
The second day, my Grandpa held me and whispered in my ear to always remember who loves me. My mother wept and told him she was afraid. He sat on the bed and cradled both of us and said, “Meggy, everyone is afraid at the beginning of things. The newness will wear off and you will see how joyous it is to have a daughter of your own. I know it did for me.”
The second day, my mother fell asleep and my father told my Gram he was worried. He asked, “Ma, what if Meg wasn’t ready?” and Gram answered, “Brad, everything is okay.” He asked, “Ma, what if I wasn’t ready?” and Gram answered, “Brad, everything is okay.” He asked, “Mom, what if Meg gets depressed?” and Gram answered, “Brad, everything is okay.”
The second day, my Pops held me tight and my father questioned his adequacy as a man and as a father. My Pops rested me in the crook of one arm and put his other arm around him and said, “Bradly, this new life makes all good men question their decisions and worthiness. Everything you did in the past is behind you and all you have to do is look into this little girl’s eyes and know what’s ahead of you.
The third day I got a name. My name is Elodie Noel.
My name is Elodie Noel and I am three months old. My mother is experiencing postpartum depression. She is overwhelmed and feels guilty that motherhood doesn’t feel natural yet. She cries and cries, sometimes more than I do, because she feels hopeless in her despair. She is afraid that my father will take me away from her if she doesn’t do a better job. I love her and I will never stop. Being here in this world feels glittery and uncertain but I know that I belong with her.
My name is Elodie Noel and I am three months old. My father is happy to spread himself thin for my mother and me. He has assumed the primary caregiver role for both of us and is actively seeking help for her. He found a nice doctor who comes to our house twice a week to make her feel better. My father tells her how much he loves her and how much I love her always, always, always. It is going to work. I love them so much.
Today I am two years old and I like to talk to my mom and read with my dad. We run around and fall down and laugh. Today I ate birthday cake and it was good, but I like carrots more.
I am Elodie Noel and I am going to first grade! I am nervous to go away from mom all day, but I have to be a big girl and set a good example because she has a little baby in her belly who is just for me. She says that it could be a brother or a sister and we just won’t know until he or she comes. It will be a fun surprise and it will be like early Christmas.
I am Elodie Noel and I am going to first grade! My mom and dad are having another baby and they said it should be a secret baby so it will be a big, big surprise for Nana and Grandpa and Gram and Pops, but I think I will tell them after school anyway.
Today it is snowing like when I was born, only I’m not being born. It is baby’s turn to be born now. I hope it is a brother so we can play in the mud and explore and dig for dinosaurs.
Today is it snowing like when I was born, only I wasn’t born today. My baby brother was. He is funny looking and red and round. He has blue eyes and cries but I think I can make him feel better like my dad did for my mom when I was born.
Today it is snowing like when I was born and I have a brother and a mother and a father. They have an Elodie Noel. We love each other.
Marie Hendry 