I pulled out all of my hair. I pulled out all of my hair. I pulled out all of my hair.

I pulled out all of my hair and now I don’t have any hair and my mother is coming to town today and that is why I am going to the wig store today.

I have been trying to leave and leave and leave my apartment for the past 45 minutes and thirteen seconds, but this is not the usual time to leave. I tried all the usual things that make it okay to leave like making sure the stove is off and all the lights are off and all the doors are closed and the stove is off and all the lights are off and the all the doors are closed and the stove is off and all the lights are off and all the doors are closed, but it is still not okay to leave. Because usually after that comes pulling out a strand of hair, but I already did that and there is no hair left so I don’t know if it is okay to leave now.

I should call Dr. Flynn. Dr. Flynn will say, “Julie, remember what we practiced. Remember you are stronger than this.” But I haven’t been able to go see Dr. Flynn in four weeks, six days, and 23 minutes because the clouds always look wrong in the sky which means I should not try to leave.

I think that Dr. Flynn has tried to call me though but I have only answered for my mother in the past three weeks, two days, and 59 minutes because when Dr. Flynn calls, I have to smooth my eyebrows and smooth my eyebrows and smooth my eyebrows and blink, blink, blink, but lately my eyebrows haven’t felt smooth so I couldn’t blink, blink, blink.

But when my mother calls, I clench my fist and open it like a flower, clench my fist and open it like a flower, clench my fist and open it like a flower and that is okay. And when my mother called, she said, “Julie, I haven’t heard from you in weeks and Dr. Flynn called because she hasn’t seen you in three weeks, so I’m coming to see you next week.”

That was last week and I have been trying to go to the wig store, but I haven’t been able to leave. And now it is this week and she is coming and I have no hair and this is bad.

I can probably call Carrie. She will come and hug me and it will be okay to leave and she will go with me to the wig store.

I am touching exhaling and touching my nose and inhaling and exhaling and touching my nose and inhaling and exhaling and touching my nose. I am dialing Carrie’s number.

She picks up, “Hello? Julie? You okay?”

I exhale and I say, “Carrie I have no hair and can you come here and hug me and take me to the wig store?”

She says, “Oh, honey. I will be right there. Ten minutes.”

I say, “No. Eight.”

“Okay, eight.”

She hangs up and I hang up and I hang up and I hang up and then I count one-Mississippi-two-Mississippi all the way to 60 and then I walk from the couch to the front door doorknob and back approximately 100 times in the eight minutes it takes Carrie to come. She knocks the usual knock-drag-knock I like and then I answer the door and she sees that I have no hair even though I told her I have no hair and she looks surprised which means she didn’t want to believe it and I feel bad.

I nod and she steps inside and touches my scalp and says, “Oh, honey. Why didn’t you call sooner?”

And I say, “It wasn’t okay to.”

“Are you still taking your meds, Julie?”

I shake my head no because I ran out and I tell her I ran out.

“Have you seen Dr. Flynn to get more?”

I shake my head no and tell her that it wasn’t okay to see Dr. Flynn or answer the phone when Dr. Flynn called and now I have no hair and my mother is coming today.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen Dr. Flynn?”

“Four weeks, six days, and 53 minutes.”

She looks around the room and sees food scraps and smells the musty inside smell. “How long has it been since you went outside?”

“Three weeks, four days, and 17 minutes.”

“Well, let’s go to the wig store.”

“But hug me first, okay?”

She hugs me and I never want to let go but I have to let go because I have no hair and I have to go to the wig store because my mother is coming and we have a deal that I can live away if I take care of me and I want to show that I can take care of me, so I need hair for that.