Halloween was to be the first holiday that Aidan was to celebrate without his wife. It had been nearly three months since Harper had passed and the wounds were still fresh, though he had to save his breakdowns for after Abby went to bed each night. He was navigating the life of single parenthood with difficulty and not a day went by that he didn’t briefly wonder whether he was permanently damaging his six-year-old daughter or not in his grief.

His mother had spent two and a half months with them after Harper died, but one early morning that October, she told him it was time for him to try to go it alone. She thought that maybe it was a matter of ripping off the band-aid and that he’d be fine, but she could no longer be the bandage. He and Abby knew she was always just a phone call away, though that thought wasn’t as comforting as his mother had hoped it would be due.

Aidan let the weeks slip by in his pursuit of normalcy, and Halloween was suddenly upon them. Abby had started warning him that the stores were going to run out of costumes, and more importantly, the patches would run out of pumpkins about a week and a half before All Hallow’s Eve.

On a Wednesday, Aidan served spaghetti and meatballs, Abby’s favorite since that scene in Beauty and the Beast. She pushed her hair out of her face and sighed theatrically.

“What, Abby, what’s wrong? Did I make it wrong? I thought I did it the way Mommy always did.”

“Daddy! No, spaghetti is fine, but do you know when day it is?“

“Honey, it’s ‘do you know WHAT day,’ not ‘when,’ and I think it’s the 16th or something, why?”

She started wiggling around in her chair the way she always did when she was nervous, “It’s just that…Halloween is so soon and I want to go trick-or-treating and carve jack-o-lanterns and have fun like we did with Mommy.”

That ‘with mommy’ was like a spear through his heart. She could see it in his eyes, even at six years old. Still, he mustered a smile and said, “You know what, sweets? You’re absolutely right. Mommy would never let us get away with no Halloween! What do you think about fishing the decorations out of the attic after dinner?”

That made her smile with a luminosity he had not seen in half a year. She nodded so vigorously that her too-long bangs went back in her eyes and said, “And…and…and the costumes? I want to be a unicorn because unicorns are so pretty and magical!”

“Yes, baby, we can get a costume tomorrow or maybe grandma can make you the perfect one. Let’s call her later.”

“Do you want to hear about the magic, Daddy?”

“Only if you eat that spaghetti.”

She swirled a noodle on her plate, “well I was just gonna say that the magic is to make everyone feel happy and better and maybe if I’m a unicorn I can make you happy forever, Daddy.”

Aidan felt pressure behind his eyes, “You already make me happy forever.”

“Okay, Daddy. But one more thing: we abso-tutely have to get pumpkins. No assemptions!”

“Yup, no exceptions, Ab, definitely.”

So they finished their meal and pulled the boxes upon boxes of decorations out of the attic. He’d forgotten just how much his wife loved the holiday, which surprised him, but with each witch, broomstick, and skeleton that went up, some small sense of normalcy returned, and that empty hole in his heart didn’t hurt so much. It was strange, really, all of those visual representations and even celebrations of death and the macabre, making him feel more at ease than he had in close to a year, like his heart had been twisted and broken since they heard the prognosis. And now, decorating with his little girl, his heart still felt twisted but maybe one of the knots was loosening. After Abby went to bed, he called his mother to ask if she’d make the costume.

“Oh, Aidan, this is wonderful! Of course I will. Tell you what: I’ll pick Abby up after school tomorrow and we’ll get started right away.”

“Thanks, Ma. Just please make it special because…” but he choked and the tears that had been threatening all night finally came.

His mother sensed it even before he let out an audible sob, “oh hon, because of the magic? I know, she told me too. We have been waiting for the right time and this feels like the right time to move forward. Harper will always be in our hearts, but we owe it to Abby to go on.”

He pulled himself together and said, “Okay. Thanks, Ma. I know. Abby. All for Abby, that’s what Harper said at the end. I’m okay, Ma. I’m okay.”

“I know you are. I’ll pick her up and come home around dinner time with a casserole and my copy of It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.”

“Sounds like a dream. See you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too, sweets.”

They hung up and Aidan went to bed feeling like knot on his heart was just a little more loose.

The next day went as planned. Abby spent the afternoon with her grandmother and they made a spectacular green, purple, and white iridescent unicorn costume. They ate tuna casserole and watched Linus defend the Great Pumpkin. Abby was awestruck by the Great Pumpkin. She begged to go to a farm so she could see him herself.

So visit the pumpkin patch they did. That Saturday, they drove to what had been Harper’s favorite place. It had hayrides, hot apple cider (spiked for him, virgin for her), freshly made apple cider doughnuts, and of course, pumpkins.

She was wearing her overalls and was swimming in a plaid flannel shirt that belonged to her mother. She said she had to “fit in with the locals,” which is the exact thing Harper said the previous year about wearing the very same shirt.

As they waited in line for the tractor-pulled hayride, they stood hand in hand and Aidan again felt that heaviness in his heart lift just a little bit more. He helped Abby onto the trailer and climbed in himself. They played their old game, exaggerating the bumps, throwing themselves as high as the kid working the tractor would allow, laughing harder each time they came down. By the time they reached the vast field that served as the pumpkin patch, Aidan and Abby were filled with a lightness they hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

She jumped out of the tractor and ran between the rows of pumpkins looking for the largest one. He briefly watched her silhouette against the late afternoon sun, dancing amid row upon row of perfectly round pumpkins, and felt Harper by his side.

“Thank you, Great Pumpkin,” he said under his breath as he ran toward his daughter.